Blah

This weekend, I went to my grandparents' house for Easter. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision. I wasn't planning to do anything in particular for Easter, but Cameron offered for me to come up to Nana and Poppy's with him and Tyler (cousins). I kept changing my mind, but in the end I decided to go with them. And I'm glad I did. It was really good to spend Easter with everyone who was still at their house.

When I got back from that on Sunday night, though, I had all of this homework to do... study for a Book of Mormon quiz, study for a Book of Mormon test (Monday was the last day to do both), and write a draft of my issue paper for English. Which I have actually managed to still not do. >_>

Last night, I ended up having a small breakdown. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was, but it must've been due to a mixture of emotional exhaustion I've been going through, feeling overwhelmed by school, and being homesick. I can hardly take it anymore. And the thought that I keep thinking to myself is "I don't want to be here." I just can't do this anymore right now. I really just want nothing more than to go home.

Bleh. Then today was... well, I've had better days. Tonight I worked. Which is good. I never really look forward to work, but I always enjoy it more than I think I will. And when I'm not too happy, usually I feel better after I go to work. I'm not exactly sure why... I guess I just like to work with the guys I work with. So, that was good times. And now I'm okay.

Family Time

Wow, this week has been nice.

I left for Nana's funeral on Wednesday evening, and me, Jeffrey, and Debbie went to the viewing when we got there. It was open casket, and I have to say, that was one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced. First of all, it all just seemed so unreal... in multiple ways. It was so weird to think that Nana was gone, and that body was all there was left of her. It was just... I don't know. It made me cry. And secondly, her body hardly seemed like it had been a real, living person. It almost seemed fake. And I have to be honest, fake people, manikins, and things like that scare me. I always feel like they'll just come alive and grad me. So her body did honestly scare me a little. But eventually I got up the courage to touch her hand, and her cheek. The best way I could figure out how to describe how it felt was like a rose petal. Not quite as smooth, but surprisingly similar. Man, the whole thing... just... unreal.

The funeral was the next morning. My first one. It was a beautiful service. All of the grandkids that were there sang the primary song, A Child's Prayer. I love that song. But I had a really, really hard time with it. Before we even started, my dad gave the eulogy. And he started crying as he finished. And I never see my dad cry. So I started losing it at that point, and there was no hope for me while singing. There I was, pretty much in the front of the group (except for some little kids), trying so hard to sing while tears were just streaming down my face. I was a mess. And I was crying for pretty much the whole service, off and on.

Other than all of that, the majority of the week that I spent in Willard was great. I loved it. I actually got to meet a few cousins that I had never met before. That's always odd. But it was just so fun to be there with everyone. And I absolutely loved being with Cody and Chanelle for a few days. Fortunately, after I gave my supervisor at work a second call, he told me not to worry about work on Friday, he'd take care of it, and I could stay. That was awesome. I'm so glad I got to spend that time with my family. Me, Cody, and Chanelle had a lot of fun, and did our share of crazy and stupid things. I really, really can't wait to be home. Mentally, I'm finished with the semester. My brain has been shutting down for a while now, and I just really want to go home. I just feel like I don't really care about this semester any more. Hardly, anyway. I know in my head that I'm going to kick myself for not getting better grades, but I just can't shake it. Most of this just seems so trivial right now. I feel like I have senioritis all over again. I just... don't want to be here anymore. I want a break from school. I'm ready to be at home with my family. I'm ready to see my old friends. Just a little over a month, and I'm out of here.

Good Days Ahead

Well, things are going alright at the moment. :)

My grandma's funeral is this Thursday. So I'll at least be gone on Thursday, and probably Wednesday night and Friday as well. I just have to make sure someone at work can take my shift on those nights... but I'm guessing that'll work. So I'll miss a little bit of school. But I don't really care. And I don't think it'll be that hard to catch up anyway. The good news is, my parents, Cody, and Chanelle all came up for the funeral. I can't wait to see them. I've seen my parents (especially my mom) more than anyone has seen them their Freshman year of college, so that was pretty lucky. I especially can't wait to see Cody and Chanelle. Of course, the whole time we're there isn't going to just be good times - there is a 100% chance of tears at whatever point - but it'll be nice, regardless.

The other good news is, I just bought two tickets to the Video Games Live concert on March 29th, in Salt Lake City. I guess it just didn't work out with my cousin's friends, so we're just going with us two. It was costly, but it'll be worth it. I love video game music. And to hear it and see it live... amazing. Not to mention they have some cool special effects. I can't wait.

Oh yeah, but the bad news is... my iPod might be broken... and I have no idea how. I plugged it in to my laptop, just like I always do when I charge it or put more songs on it. And as far as I could tell, iTunes didn't read it, but my iPod showed the little charging icon... but it didn't do that "Do Not Disconnect" thing that it normally does... and it wouldn't respond to anything I did... so I ended up just having to pull it out, and it's still like it was when I tried to hook it up - it has the charging icon, but seems to be completely frozen. The heck.

Pi Day

Today started out so promising.

I woke up early, to work on my issue paper for English. I thought the first draft was due today, but I found out that it's not due until next Friday. So, that's pretty awesome. I love sleep.

And today was just cool because it's pi day. Good times.

But my grandma, Nana Jake, passed away today... we all knew it was going to happen soon. In fact, we didn't expect her to last as long as she did. But it doesn't make it go away. She was diagnosed with cancer - throat cancer, I believe it was - less than a year ago. Unfortunately, it was already pretty far along. And I've been visiting my grandparents' house a few times recently with my family, to help out, and to be with her just a little longer before she went. The thing is, the way she's been living recently, it was much better for her to leave us. And we all wanted it for her. And I know that she's so happy now. I do. But it's still hard for the rest of us, because now she's just... gone. I loved her so much. And her heart was so filled with love for everyone. It's so hard to think that she's not here anymore.

I have to be honest, school just feels pointless right now. Everything does. But I guess I have to keep on working anyway.

I love you, Nana. I'll miss you so much.

Holy Cravitz

So yeah... I keep thinking I have an idea of what I'm going to do, but I keep feeling undecided. So, I think I'll take a little break from thinking. At all. Man, wouldn't that be nice. :P Anyway...

So last night I started working. I was hired as a custodian in the Cannon Center, where the cafeteria is. So I'm thinking, clean the floors, wash the windows, take out the trash, all that jazz... all in the man area of the building. Turns out, I work back where all the food is made, and the dishes are washed, and we clean pretty much everything back there. It's kind of like when I worked concession at the movie theater, and we could just leave some things for the janitors to clean after we left... now I get to be that lucky person who cleans after people leave. But it's really not that bad. I'm on a custodial team of four people - three guys, and me. That's pretty cool, I think. Plus there's several people who work after closing also, to clean up. In Tomassito's, the pizza place in the Cannon Center, and Cosmo's Connections, where I like to buy snacks. So after we finish our stuff, we help them out until they're done. Or... something along those lines. So it's not too bad, but my feet do hurt after working. I don't mind it too much right now, but I feel I may like work less and less as I keep doing it. But who knows, maybe this is one of those things that as I work more, it'll grow on me more. *shrug* At least I get paid more than I do at the theater. :P

You know what's kind of funny to me, I guess, is that I keep forgetting completely about spring break. Most other people have it around now, but BYU doesn't have a spring break. Which, in the end, is okay with me, because I just get to go home sooner instead of being up here for an extra week. (Even if it would be a fun, non-school week.) But I just keep forgetting that it exists. :P Eh, what can you do...

So, there's this concert I want to go to at the end of this month in Salt Lake City called Video Games Live. It looks so ridiculously awesome. It'd be 40 bucks... and that's nothing to sneeze at... (seriously, who wants to sneeze at any amount of money anyway?) ...but I am really wanting to go. And my cousin is going, so I could get a ride with him and his friends, if they go. I don't know if this would delay my Wii-buying at all or not. But if it does, I can deal with it. This one looks like a definite winner to me.

Thoughts

Well, midterms are finally over... or, they should be. Except that I have my second Psychology midterm on Thursday or Friday. It's just like my Music 101 class last semester... there were more exams in that class, so by the time I would finish the rest of my exams for a certain time, there would be another music one. Ah... oh well. Hopefully I'll do well on it. I haven't really studied for it... at all. Maybe I'll do some of that tomorrow. :P

And I've been thinking... 'cause I do that sometimes... and right now, I think I might go into electrical engineering. Seems interesting. I don't know about music, right now... but I guess at the moment I'm thinking that I'll just minor in music. We'll see. So next semester I'll take some classes that I'd need for electrical engineering, and hopefully I'll like them.

Other than that, there's not a whole lot to talk about. So... maybe I'll go have another bowl of Reese's Puffs. Absolutely delicious. :P