On Being Engaged

The idea for this post comes from a similar blog post by my friend Shanette.

This semester I got engaged to a wonderful man. It has completely changed my life. Our wedding is coming up in a couple weeks now, and as my engagement is about to come to a close I've thought about this unique period of time in my life. There are a lot of reasons why I do and do not like being engaged. So let's start with the great things.

1. Someone Is There For You
I can't explain how great it is to have someone who you can always count on and turn to, no matter what. You get a sense of this with family and friends, but not in the same capacity. Since being engaged, I've really come to appreciate the benefit of knowing that there is a man who I love, who I know loves me unconditionally, and who is always willing to support and comfort me. It's indescribable. I am starting to understand why people describe their spouses as completing them, as their better half. With Josh in my life, I feel whole. I feel like there was something missing in my life before now, and now it's being filled. Call me young and hopelessly in love, but he really does complete me. I am so happy to know that he will always be there for me, and that I will be able to do the same for him.

2. It's a Time to Learn to Communicate
Personally, I've never been a very good communicator. It's in my nature to avoid conflict at all costs, so that usually means that if I have an issue with something, I won't bring it up and I'll just keep how I feel to myself. Also, I'm a huge people pleaser, so I tend to just want to go along with what everyone else says. Often I agree with them, but sometimes I don't. So for much of my life, I haven't practiced open communication. But I know that it's extremely important in relationships and especially in marriage; so many relationships struggle because of communication breakdowns. And being engaged brings two different people with different communication styles together. So I've had to really start learning how to express myself and speak openly and honestly, always with love. On the flipside, I have also been practicing listening without being offended. I tend to take criticism kind of hard, but I am learning to just take counsel and suggestions for what they are. And when all communications are treated with love, even if someone is upset or frustrated, it's a lot easier to work things out. I haven't had major issues or anything to deal with, but I feel like this time has been crucial for me to start learning how to always be open and honest, which in the long run only makes our relationship stronger.

3. Transitioning From Single- to Married-Life
The engagement is a period of time when you transition from your old single life to a new married life. Change is hard for many people, and I'm definitely one of those that has a really hard time with change. Even good change. So for me, being engaged is a good time to start getting used to certain aspects of marriage - focusing on another person instead of always just doing what you want, sharing responsibilities and finances, etc. It would be hard to just go immediately from singlehood to marriage. So being engaged lets you learn how to take care of each other and work together, so that when you're actually married and living together and everything, it's not as difficult a transition.

Now, not everything about being engaged is great. Sometimes it sucks. So here's some things that I hate about being engaged.

1. Stress of Planning
There is a lot of planning and preparation that goes into getting married. It's one thing after another. And with a short engagement, you have to really stay on top of everything. It gets stressful, especially when you're a working student. Suddenly you're trying to coordinate not just your own busy schedules, but those of your families. You want to try to find the best fit for you that will work well for as many other people as possible. And then there's just the simple (or not so simple) preparation of it all - engagement pictures, getting rings, getting a dress, getting a tux, figuring out things like the cake, flowers, etc, etc. I try to have fun with some of it, knowing that I'll only have this chance once in my life, but sometimes it gets overwhelming or things don't go right and you have to adjust your plans. It can cause a lot of stress.

2. Saying Goodnight
I am at the point where saying good night to each other is just dumb. It's not that I can't go on without him until I see him again the next morning or anything dramatic like that, but sometimes I really want to just be able to cuddle together or let him hold me as we fall asleep together. I'm not talking in a sexual way. But we're so close to being married and that's something that I'm really looking forward to doing, just falling asleep in each other's arms. And it's starting to annoy me that one of us has to go home, and any tenderness and closeness we are sharing each night has to come to an end.

3. Sexual Tension
And my last point, sexual tension. Let's all be honest here. People have a sexual drive. We want it. We crave it. Josh and I have both promised to keep ourselves sexually clean until marriage, at which point we will be able to share that beautiful, sacred experience with only each other. And I would not change that for anything. But that doesn't mean it's not hard to wait. Knowing that we're going to be married, it's sometimes hard to hold back in the level of love and affection that we share with each other. And to put it bluntly, sometimes it sucks. Sometimes the feelings are really strong. It can be hard to discipline ourselves. But I know that it will be worth it.

All in all, I'm so happy to be engaged to Josh. I don't always like the actual engagement, but I'm grateful for the experiences that I'm having and there's no one that I'd rather be with.